Sunday, September 2, 2012

the week in review

It felt like an active news week, plenty going on in the country and the world at large.  Somewhere behind Joe Mauer's name getting floated out onto baseball's trade waiver list and my first sighting of Schell's Oktoberfest (yes, of course I bought a 12-pack and I'd have bought more if I hadn't had to get down on my hands and knees to fish the last one out of the back of the cooler at BigTop.  do you have any idea of how vulnerable you can feel when you're down on your hands and knees at the BigTop in the Midway?)...but I digress...somewhere behind baseball and beer came big news out of the RNC down in Tampa.  I'd have been there too but for having had to help push close to a million and a half dollars' worth of textbooks out the door at EnHenn.  That and the fact that the GOP brass didn't send me an invite.  Word must be getting around.

The week's turned into sort of a blur, twelve-hour work days having that effect on me.  But I do have some memories of the goings-on in Tampa.  I can't really say whether those come from nighttime channel surfing for something better to watch or from the recaps on The Today Show the following mornings.  But what I saw obviously struck some chords for me.  And I know that it did for you, too.

It must have been Tuesday night when I saw Ann Romney in real time.  The commentators (aka the evil liberal media types except for Fox Newsers) had suggested that it would be her job to humanize the Mittster.  She did a helluva job.  It really hit home when she told us that after traveling the width and breadth of the land, she'd really come to feel like she knew a lot of us guys.  Click of the remote.  Oh well, I'd been hoping to get a chance to catch that Valerie Bertinelli Bikini Body infomercial.  Here was my chance.

I learned the next morning that I should have tuned in to the Republicans earlier or hung around longer, Valerie Bertinelli's bikini notwithstanding.  My favorite GOP governor, Chris Christie of New Jersey, also fired up the crowd though I don't know if that came before or after Mrs. Romney.  I don't know what it was that he said but I couldn't help but imagining myself goin' out eatin' with Chris and my favorite Minnesota right-winger, former state GOP chair Tony Sutton.  We could start out with a half a dozen happy hours, hit the Asian buffets up and down University Avenue and close out the night at Old Country.  Or, if we did it on a Friday night, maybe one of the all-you-can-eat fish fries.  The three of us would strike terror  into the heart of any economy-minded restaurateur.

I don't know exactly what it was that Governor Christie told the American viewing public.  My loss, I'm sure.  But at least one of those evil, biased media commentators was peddling the line that Christie would be speaking to dispel idle gossip that the Guv had voiced doubt that Romney would be able to beat Obamma in November.  As if!!  If Romney can't do it then who can?  Not Bachmann, not Santorum, not Perry, not Paul, not Newt, not T-Paw.  Mitt's the one.  Maybe Pat Buchanan or Sarah Palin but, for sure, Mitt.  Paul Ryan, of course, but that'll be in eight years.  C'mon, Republicans wouldn't have been so stupid as to pick a candidate who can't win.  Say what you will, I think Chris Christie is no dummy.  Therefore, he couldn't have possibly let such a vile slander pass his lips.

I caught a little of Paul Ryan's shtick on Wednesday night.  It might as well have been Notable Midwest Republicans Week in Tampa.  Not only were we treated to Ryan but his fellow Badger homey Scott Walker, on Tuesday, and Minnesota's favorite son Tim Pawlenty, on Wednesday, got shots in the spotlight of the main stage lectern.  There were news reports that Walker teared up during Ryan's speech.  If he did, it was probably from being grief-stricken that the granddaddy of all Wisconsin plain-talking patriots, Senator Joe McCarthy, couldn't have been on hand to see the local boys make good.  I'll bet old Joe was beaming down from above.

And how could Minnesotans have seen Tim Pawlenty's standup routine without longing for for the good old days of his residency on Summit Avenue.  Oh yeah, he makes those election fraud, marriage freedom, union backing Democrats squirm.  What were we thinking?  We could have torn the state Constitution to shreds and installed him on the throne as Governor for life. Gee whiz.

And speaking of Minnesota notables, it was great to see Michele Bachmann's beaming mug when the cameras zoomed in on the state's delegation reporting in from convention floor.  Doesn't she remind you of the attention seeker from high school who managed to get his or her face into half of the photos in the organizations section of the yearbook?  And with the same vacuous smile in every photo.

Personally, I view Clint Eastwood's Thursday appearance as a loving tribute to the two terms of the Reagan Presidency.  Clint talking to an empty chair was a fitting nod to the last few years of the Great Communicator's time at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.  Gosh, I'd love to see the tapes of him looking for the corners in the Oval Office.

I'll plead guilty (again) to not watching much of our presumptive President-elect's speech.  I hear that he's got it all figured out.  None of us are any better off than we were four years ago so we're going to roust that backsliding Obamma out of office.  Right.  We're going to ignore how the country got into all this trouble in the first place.  We're going to throw money at the fat cat corporate sponsors and offshore money havens of the Republican Party, and, by God, it's gonna trickle down.  We're going to give credit where credit is due to John Boehner (and Paul Ryan) and my all-time third favorite Kentuckian (behind Abe Lincoln and Jim Varney) Mitch McConnell for blocking, obstructing, delaying, log-jamming, double talking and generally slowing the democratic progress to a crawl to render Obamma ineffective.  And then blaming the President for being responsible for the gridlock.

I may not have been able to pay much attention to Tampa but I'm gonna be sure to find a spot at the Inaugural Ball in January of 2013.  Oh hell, probably not.  I'll just be finishing up another textbook rush in Brooklyn Park and won't be able to go.  But maybe, just maybe, Scott Walker's influence will jump the St.Croix River and I will, along with all my fellow public employee union members, get fired for being a lazy, unproductive, benefit sucking, union thug slacker.  Oh yeah.  Then I'd be able to let my deluxe union pension fund a trip to DC or anywhere else I wanna go.

Remember, corporations are people, too.  The Supreme Court just affirmed that.  And at the same time, affirmed the rights of corporations to buy elections.  Is this a great country or what?